Sirius Finds Older Chicks Pretty Kinky
by We Didn't Start the Fire
Summary: Some Guys Find Older Chicks Pretty Kinky is a mnemonic for Species Genus Family Order Class Phylum Kingdom . MWPP. Later chapters are miscellaneous and/or notes to myself. Currently publishing old, unfinished material, so please do not expect updates.
1. Chapter 1

**Seasons of Love**

**A/N: As stated in the summary, this is an unfinished fic, published as-is because I don't have time to edit it now. Bold text is generally notes to myself; feel free to skip over it. I will not be updating this fic. Enjoy.**

Only one more semester until freedom, Sirius thought as he sat watching the fire in the Gryffindor common room. It was late, and most of the Gryffindors, including the other Marauders, were asleep. But Sirius was busy brooding, and mindlessly contemplating the leaping of the flames.

Another semester of pining away for the one woman he could never have. Another semester of aimlessly snogging random girls in broom closets, only to disappoint them when he couldn't bring himself to go all the way. He had just one semester left to watch her hips unintentionally swaying, her middle-aged face pull downward into a stern expression, and listen expectantly as the hard heels of her sensible shoes clicked down the hallway toward the classroom. Yes, Sirius Black was in love with Minerva McGonagall, and had been for the past two years.

At least, he thought ruefully, I'm now of legal age to go all the way with her. He chuckled softly, knowing that, even if she somehow ever came to reciprocate his feelings, their student-teacher relationship would never allow them to do more than exchange the occasional smile of pat on the shoulder. Sirius had no clue just how far off the mark he was in his predictions of the year to come.

Asdfasdfasdfasdf (**more scenes btwn?)**

It was the next day, and Transfigurations had just begun, according to the clock. All four of the Marauders, plus Lily, had NEWT Transfigurations, as it was required for nearly every profession in the wizarding world. Today, the usually punctual Professor McGonagall was nowhere in sight. However, there was an orange **(?) **tabby sitting on a stool at the back of the classroom.

Those who were watching saw it gracefully walk toward the front of the classroom and smoothly turn into Professor McGonagall as it walked. Though she had already done the transformation for her students in their third year, she was showing them again. This was meant to be both a privilege for her seventh year NEWT classes, and a means of further discussing the details of being an Animagus, after having spent the first half of the year revisiting transfiguring objects.

The Marauders, however, were completely disinterested, being Animagi themselves. They were paying no attention. Sirius had his back to her entirely, with the result that he both missed the transformation and had his beanie snatched from his head as Minerva walked by. The rest of the class was busy applauding the professor's transformation, but Sirius was glaring intently at the back of his teacher's retreating head. Just when he thought the austere woman was planning to keep his hat for her collection of things confiscated from him, she turned and, with the smallest smirk, tossed his hat back to him. It landed in his lap.

"No hats in class, Mr. Black. Keep it off for now."

"But my head'll get cold! You get to wear a hat!" he protested, feigning disbelief.

"Mr. Black, please do desist from irking me." While this exchange was happening, Lily Evans had a hand raised and was waving it desperately. Like the rest of the class, she cared little about whether or not Sirius got to wear a hat, and significantly more about Minerva's transformation. Unlike the rest of the class, she was so intent upon having her question answered that she nearly pulled a muscle trying to extend her raised hand as was as it would go.

"Yes, Miss Evans?" Minerva asked without even turning in Lily's direction. Sirius rolled his eyes at Lily's **Hermione-clone-ish** behavior. He almost fell out of his chair from surprise when Minerva actually winked back at him as she turned to listen to the tail end of Lily's long-winded question.

"Did you see that?" Sirius said to James in a tone of voice that only barely fit the description of a whisper.

"Quiet down, Mr. Black," said Minerva. "Some students are trying to learn." The class tittered. "Miss Evans, please continue with your question."

As Lily was doing as instructed, James leaned toward Sirius and asked blankly, "See what?"

From the table behind them, Peter whispered, "I saw it!"

"Alright, Petey-boy!" said Sirius.

"What?" asked James again.

"She winked at him," explained Remus. "Undoubtedly he'll take it as a sign of her undying love for him." Remus, Peter, James, and Lily had discussed Sirius' growing affection for their Transfigurations teacher over winter break, while the Marauders were all staying at Lily's house. They had gotten rid of Sirius during the discussion by showing him how a Muggle television worked.

Sirius was about to nod in response to Remus' question, but caught himself. "Er, why would I want to think Miner—I mean McGonagall, is in love with me?"

Remus was saved from having to give the patently obvious answer to that question by Minerva's penetrating voice. "Black, Pettigrew, Potter, and Lupin! One more word from you four and I'll be handing out detentions. Whereas you four seem thoroughly unimpressed by my transformation, it would appear that the rest of the class would like to learn something about human transfiguration.

Minerva proceeded to give a brief lecture on more advanced human transfiguration than they had done in sixth year, including a limited amount of information on being an Animagus. Then, she set the class to doing the practical portion of their lesson, after first showing them how to transfigure a hand to look like a paw. The type of paw was dependent on the student's personality, just as Animagus form would be. As the students began to try the spell, they began to get a tiny taste of just how hard it would be to become an Animagus. That was precisely what Minerva had intended.

"This isn't exactly a paw," James observed as he examined the hoof of his Animagus form.

"I can't get it!" whined Peter. Just then, he tried again, and it worked. "Oh. Never mind," Peter said, examining an oversized rat's paw. Sirius had already transfigured his hand into a (predictable) dog paw. At the same table, Remus was trying the spell repeatedly. And failing repeatedly. Minerva saw the distressed boy's efforts from across the room, and went over to help.

"Professor, the spell isn't working for me," Remus said, trying to keep the frustration out of his voice. Spells _always_ worked for Remus Lupin.

"Oh, er..." Minerva said, looking around to make sure no one was listening. The other Marauders made a show of being engrossed in their new hands. "That may be due to your...special condition." Remus nodded. He knew Dumbledore had informed the Head of Gryffindor **(+all teachers???) ** that a werewolf would be staying at Hogwarts back when he entered the school. "You would most likely never be able to become an Animagus either, though I suppose the idea would hold little charm for you anyway."

Just then, Minerva noticed that the other Marauders were now openly listening in. "It is impolite to eavesdrop!" she informed them tersely. Had she known that the boys already knew of Remus' "special condition," she might not have been so flustered. But the Marauders had been doing an excellent job of keeping their (and Remus') secret. James even had yet to tell his new girlfriend, Lily. "What did you hear, boys?"

"Nothing, Professor," Sirius answered for them with a saccharine smile. Minerva was suspicious, but decided to let it go. "I'm going to go talk to those Hufflepuffs," Sirius said quickly, anxious to get out of the uncomfortable situation. Peter and James had since found that the number of ceiling tiles in the room was a very fascinating topic for conversation. Minerva watched Sirius stand and walk behind her.

In passing behind her, he put his hands on her upper arms briefly. "Your hands are warm," she had time to comment in a neutral tone. Had he been able to see her face, he would have known that what she was feeling was far from neutral. He chuckled to himself as he removed his hands, choosing not to respond. Minerva was grateful to see that everyone else in the room seemed to be absorbed in their work.

But not everyone was as oblivious to the peculiar look that had passed across her face. Lily Evans and the friend she always sat with (much to James' annoyance) exchanged a look. This was some prime gossip. It wouldn't take long before the whole school knew that, not only did Sirius Black have a crush on Professor McGonagall, but she also reciprocated his feelings. Of course, the intent was that neither Sirius nor Minerva ever learn of these rumors. Time would tell how well that worked.


	2. Chapter 2

**Tea for Two**

**Let Me Call You Sweetheart**

More than a month later, it was a cold February morning, and it had taken some effort for Minerva to drag herself out of bed for breakfast. Walking into the Great Hall through the Professors' entrance, she didn't even notice _it_ until she heard the laughter. She looked up, and, after a moment of shock, began scowling. Flashing over the main entrance to the hall, in neon pink letters, was written, "I love you, Minerva!"

This was why she hated Valentine's Day, thought Minerva crossly. Dumbledore was staring at her from the center of the table, smirking and twinkling away.

"It isn't funny!" Minerva snapped at Dumbledore. Dumbledore quickly sobered up, looking stern. "Do you know the identity of the culprit, Minerva?" he asked.

"I believe I do, Albus."

"And I trust you will deal with him…er, or her, appropriately?"

"Yes. This will most certainly be dealt with," she replied, glaring dangerously down the hall toward the Gryffindor table. There sat a certain handsome, black-haired youth, who was exchanging a high-five with his bespectacled friend.

Asdfasdfasdfasdf

"Mr. Black, please stay after class if you would," Professor McGonagall instructed just as her NEWT Transfigurations class began to pack up.

Just as his friends had, Minerva had clearly taken his prank as a joke, and was about to punish him for it, Sirius thought. No matter what he did, he would never be anything more than a student to her.

"I have evidence from Argus **(?) **Filch, stating that he saw you putting that charm on the Great Hall late last night," Minerva said, getting straight to business.

"Which charm?" Sirius asked, playing dumb.

"You know the one," Minerva said with a glare. She was in no mood for Sirius' nonsense.

"If he saw me, then why didn't he stop me?" retorted Sirius insolently.

"He didn't explain, but the rest of the faculty and I are willing to take his word for it. It was decided that I, as the…er, victim, of the prank, should deal with you personally."

"And just what would you like to do with me, Professor?" asked Sirius innocently.

"I—" Suddenly Minerva paused, grasping the somewhat inappropriate implications of Sirius' sentence. She narrowed her eyes. "If you are referring to your punishment, and I sincerely hope for your sake that you are, I was just coming to that matter. Detention. Monday nights after dinner. My classroom. One month," she finished curtly.

"Well at least it doesn't interfere with Quidditch practice," said Sirius.

"Don't push your luck," said Minerva, eyes narrowing even further.

"May I leave you alone to do stuff by yourself now?"

She had no idea whether he was inserting the double entendres into the conversation deliberately, or if she just had a dirty mind. "First, one more thing. How did you learn my first name in order to put it up there in the great hall?" After so many years of teaching, she had learned not to let students know her first name. They seemed to take far to much amusement in calling her by it.

"I have my ways," he said through a grin. The reality was quite simple; he had seen her name on the Marauders' map. Minerva scowled. Sirius saw this, but, never one to lose heart, he left her abruptly with a "Bye, sweetheart," and a wink.

As Sirius left the room, Minerva was thrown into a mild shock. He had called her sweetheart. This seemed somehow more personal, more private than his prank earlier that day. Sirius Black had called her sweetheart. She repeated the idea in her mind a couple of times more. She was hardly a young girl whom one could easily call "sweetheart." Had he, then, meant it as an endearment? As though she was _his_ sweetheart? And in conjunction with the "prank"...was he just tweaking her, or did it actually mean something? But then again, so what if it did mean something? He was a student, and nothing more. With that reminder to herself, she began preparing for her next class.

Asdfasdfasdfasdf

Exhausted after a full day of teaching, Minerva walked into her private chambers that evening. She didn't see the figure sitting in her high-backed Victorian chair with his back to her. She did wonder, though, why the fire was going. She must have forgotten to put it out, she reasoned.

"Hello, Minerva," said the figure in the chair. Minerva nearly jumped out of her skin.

"Mr. Black!" she cried, her voice showing that she was startled more clearly than she would have liked. "How—where—you—"

In truth, he had used his magical silver **(?) **knife to undo the enchantments designed to keep students out of the professors' private spaces, but he replied calmly, "You'll never know how I got in, so I wouldn't worry about it if I were you, love."

"And thank goodness you're not me," replied Minerva, her usual dry wit returning to her as her heart rate retuned to something approaching normal.

Sirius stood up from the chair and turned to face her, smiling lopsidedly and holding a cup of tea. The flowered saucer was on her elegant claw-footed end table.

"I took the liberty of helping myself to some tea," Sirius continued, seeming much calmer than he felt. He was nearly shaking with a combination of fear and excitement. He was, after all, in Minerva's private chambers.

"So you've seen my kitchenette, then. I suppose you explored my bedroom, as well, then?" She couldn't help the sarcasm that crept into her voice.

Sirius chuckled. Still in his droll English gentleman mode, he said, "My dear, I would never dream of it."

Minerva's patience was running low. "Out!" she said suddenly. "Out, out, out!" She made a shooing motion, as though Sirius were a fly.

"May I finish my tea first?" asked Sirius, his smile broadening and evening out to both sides of his face.

"NO!" Minerva yelled. A vein was throbbing in her forehead, and her jaw was clenched.

"Very well, then. Good day," Sirius said, putting down his teacup and beginning to leave. He was feeling smug. He had broken into a teacher's rooms, and hadn't even gotten—

"DETENTION, Mr. Black!" roared Minerva.

"Oh, bollocks," muttered Sirius.

"And if I hear another foul word like that out of your mouth, _double_ detention!" snapped Minerva, **who seemed to be doing a lot of snapping lately**. "You will arrive in my classroom every Saturday at nine o'clock in the morning, sharp, for the next month, starting tomorrow. You will leave when I permit you to, and no sooner. This will be in addition to your Monday night detentions."

"But—but—Quidditch—" babbled Sirius, no longer doing the incredibly annoying "gentleman" act.

"Your team has two other Chasers. I'm sure they will be able to continue without the blessing of your presence." It was Minerva's turn to feel smug now.

"I'm the Seeker!" said Sirius indignantly.

Minerva knew this, but had decided it would be far more amusing to "forget" it. "I'm sure your captain, Frank Longbottom** (A/N Re: my take on Quidditch positions)**, will be able to schedule practice around this…er…minor inconvenience. Now, it you would please be a – gentleman – and leave me in peace, Mr. Black…" She cocked an eyebrow on "gentleman." She knew perfectly well that he had been messing with her earlier.

"Fine," muttered Sirius, and left. Once she was sure he was gone, Minerva went to her liquor cabinet and poured herself two finger widths of Madame Rosmerta's Finest Mead **(dbl check).** Black would be the death of her, she thought as she sat down in the chair he had vacated. She stared absently at the half-finished cup of tea he had left behind. What had he meant by sneaking into her rooms? Probably nothing, she decided with a derisive snort to herself. Just another prank, undoubtedly.

That young man certainly did know how to make her blood boil, she reflected, sipping her mead slowly. She had discussed the matter with other teachers, but they didn't seem nearly as annoyed by Black as she did. To the contrary; in fact, some of the secretly found Black's behavior amusing. Of course, he did seem to pick on her more than any other teacher. Why? Perhaps he saw her as an easy target? Or maybe she was just blowing this whole thing all out of proportion.

Her mead was nearly finished. And she didn't feel like having any more. So she tried to put the matter from her mind. But by the time the glass was empty, she had failed miserably. She was never going to be able to fall asleep, so she set about pacing in the confined space of her living room (?), such as it was. It was another hour before she was able to stop mulling over the boy. And try as she might, even as she went to bed, she fell asleep picturing his youthful face.

Asdfasdfasdfasdf

"Where've you been?" James asked when Sirius arrived back at the Gryffindor common room. James and Peter had been playing Wizard's Chess. Remus was feeling ill, as the full moon was near, and had retired to his dorm. Lily, having recently become James' girlfriend, was kibitzing the game, and flinching whenever one of James' pieces got demolished.

Sirius grinned. "I've been in McGonagall's rooms."

James raised an eyebrow. "Why'd she ask you to go in there?"

"She didn't. I got in with my knife."

"Er, why?"

"For shits and giggles."

"Whatever tickles your pickle," said Peter with a shrug. "I think it's a stalemate (?), James."

"Aw, shit," said James.

"You boys and your expressions. 'Tickles your pickle?'" Lily said, trying not to laugh.

"Yes, Lily," James said, not really paying attention. He wasn't about to let Sirius get off that easily. "Really, Sirius, what possessed you to do that? I'm sure she gave you detention for it, and you knew she would. On top of the detention you're already serving for your little prank. You don't have – feelings – for her, do you?" he asked with a queer expression.

"Maybe I do and maybe I don't," replied Sirius playfully.

"New game?" asked Peter, who had been paying little attention to the exchange.

"Not now, Peter," said James dismissively.

"Would you like to hear a woman's perspective on the matter?" asked Lily, who had been paying significantly more attention than Peter. Like most women in the world, she usually did pay attention whenever the topic of feelings came up. Lily could be a bit of a stereotype at times.

"No," answered James and Sirius simultaneously with barely a glance in Lily's direction.

"_Recomensio!_" said Peter, resetting the Wizards' Chess with a simple spell. It was then ready for the next users [is it a community set?]. No one in the group really noticed.

"Fine!" said Lily, and flounced off to her dorm, her red curls bouncing with every step.

"What's with her?" asked Peter, finally returning to earth.

"Dunno," replied Sirius.

"It's her time," whispered James knowingly.

"Huh?" asked Peter.

"She's a woman," said James, tapping the side of his nose (?).

"We're aware of that, James, said Sirius with a roll of his eyes. "Spit it out."

"Her time of the month is the same time as Remus'," James tried again.

Peter leaned in over the chess table, causing several chess pieces to move grudgingly aside to avoid being smushed, and whispered, "You mean she's a werewolf?"

"No, she – oh, I give up!" exclaimed James. "Lily's PMSing!" he said loudly enough for the whole common room to hear. A few giggles confirmed that he had spoken too loudly.

"Nice going, nice going," said Sirius jovially.

Asdfasdfasdfasdf

It was Saturday. Sirius had allotted himself fifteen minutes to shower, get dressed, and get halfway across the castle to Minerva's classroom, and to detention. This, of course, was not enough time.

He hesitated a moment just outside the door to the classroom, out of Minerva's line of sight. He knew he was late, and he also knew that this wasn't going to be pretty.

"Enter, Mr. Black," came Minerva's stern voice. Sometimes Sirius could swear that woman could see everything. He did as ordered.

"So," began Minerva, hardly looking up from the stack of papers she was correcting.

"Oh boy," muttered Sirius under his breath. He started to run a hand through his glossy black hair, but stopped himself as he realised that hair-mussing was strictly James Potter territory.

"I note that you are seventeen minutes late, Mr. Black," she said in an unnervingly calm voice.

"Well, er..."

"This will result in another week of detention. That's another Monday and another Saturday, Mr. Black. If you keep this up, we may be seeing far more of each other than either of us can stand."

"You'd be surprised," Sirius blurted, and immediately gave himself a mental slap on the head.

"Oh?"

"That is, er, what man in his right mind _wouldn't_ want to spend all his time with you?" Sirius tried, flashing her his most charming grin. He hoped she wouldn't figure out just how much he felt his statement was true.

"Flattery will get you nowhere with me," she said with a stern glare over her spectacles. "Now, moving on, you are to return these first years' attempts to transfigure snuff boxes back to their original state," she said, indicating a few mice, and many more snuff boxes with mouse-like features.

The task took Sirius barely twenty minutes.

"Done already? You can look these papers over for spelling and grammar mistakes. You are not to grade them; merely to scrutinize and circle any mechanical errors in order to make them easier for me to find. Here," she said, handing him a stack of papers, a spare quill, and a bottle of ink.

"You expect _me _to find spelling errors?"

"You're seventeen years old. If finding the mistakes of eleven and twelve year olds is too much for you, you may serve your detention with Argus**/(title?)** Filch instead."

"I'll do it," Sirius said meekly. Still standing and clutching the pile, he took a glance at the first paper. "Why do all girls always have to dot their i's with hearts?" he asked rhetorically.

"I would hardly say all girls. I'll have you know that I, even as a young girl, never indulged in such frivolity."

"Because you never indulge in anything," Sirius finished for her.

Minerva met his eyes for a moment. Sirius thought he saw the corner of her left eyelid twitching. "I do believe our **[Filch's title]** will be very pleased to have you help him as your detention," she said brusquely. "Follow me, though I'm sure you know where to go after serving so many detentions with him."

"What are you; a member of the tight-bunned mean ladies' club?" Sirius whined. **(see A/N at end - ??).**

Minerva glared. "I hope that you are referring to my hair when you say that, and not...certain--" she cleared her throat "--other parts of the anatomy."

"Why, Professor!" said Sirius in mock disbelief. "I assure you, the thought of thinking about your firm, well-sculpted, yet feminine derrière has never entered my mind! Why on earth would you think I was trying to imply something when I was merely referring to your hair?"

Minerva looked as though she were ready to explode. However, she would not dignify Black's nonsense with a response. Wordlessly, she stood, and strode out the door. Sirius quickly set the papers down and set off after her. His usual suave saunter was no match for her brisk pace, and he found himself taking full advantage of the long legs that came with his height in order to keep up with the shorter woman.

"Geez, do you ever slow down?"

"Rarely," she said without slowing down. **(?)**

"Erm, so what's your favourite colour?"

"Red."

"Well, that's appropriate for the Head of Gryffindor."

"I would appreciate it if you would cease trying to make conversation, Mr. Black. I assure you, I can do without it."

"Okay." They walked in silence down hallways and down many flights of stairs, until finally reaching the dingy, cramped part of the dungeons where Filch lived.** (canon?) ** Minerva knocked on the door.

"Come in," came a gruff voice. Minerva opened the door and indicated that Sirius should enter the pitiful mockery of a foyer with her, and he did.

"Argus, I have here a certain Mr. Black, who has been sorely trying my patience whilst serving his detention."

"Yes," said Filch with an evil grin. "I am well acquainted with this particular little beast. He's the one I caught putting up that repulsive love note. I take it you would like me to find some suitable punishment for him?"

"I'm right here, you know!" Sirius said.

"If you would please," Minerva replied to Filch, pretending to take no notice of Sirius. Filch began to cackle. "But Argus, please _do_ remember that thumbscrews and other torture devices are no longer allowed at Hogwarts."

"Just suck the fun out of everything, why don't you, Minerva," Filch commented.

Minerva stiffened. "_Please_, Argus. You know how I don't like the students knowing my first name."

"Always been funny about that, haven't you, _Professor?_"

"It's okay," contributed Sirius. "I already knew Minnie's first name anyway."

Minverva, once again, looked ready to explode. "'Minnie' is not my name. It never has been and it never will be. Please try to keep your facts straight when attempting to provoke me, Mr. Black."

"Yes, _Professor_," said Sirius, eerily echoing Filch.

"Precisely, boy," said Filch with a devious smile. "Now then, _Professor_, why don't you just leave me to take care of this hooligan's punishment?" Neither Sirius nor Minerva could tell whose side the begrimed **[title]** was on. Apparently, he would side with whoever had made the most recent and wittiest remark.

"Remember which side your bread's buttered on," said Minerva to Filch sternly, and left. **(see a/n at end – [about this may be an Americanism; define])**

"So, what's your favourite colour?" Sirius tried on Filch the instant the Transfigurations professor had left, despite how badly that question had worked with Minerva.

Filch appeared to consider this seriously as he stroked his chin. "Grey, perhaps, like the cold stone walls in here. Or the green of the mildew that grows on them." Sirius looked around, and, to his disgust, found that Filch wasn't making up the latter. Filch continued; "Or red, like the blood of students back when I was allowed to --"

"Okay, okay!" interrupted Sirius. "Geez, sorry I asked," he muttered.

"What's yours?" asked Filch.

"Aren't you going to punish me?" Sirius asked quizically.

"I knew I was forgetting something!" exclaimed Filch. "Alright then, boy, you have to clean the **blah**. And no magic!"

"But didn't **name** do that last week? I heard you had him at it for five hours! Aren't the **blah** clean enough?"

"No," replied Filch. Sirius found it ironic that such a grimy man cared so much about how clean the **blah** were.

"Okay," said Sirius through a resigned sigh. "Lead the way." Filch did so, and Sirius spent the rest of his Saturday morning cleaning. Even when lunchtime came around, Filch wouldn't let him grab any food. Filch instead got some food for himself, and proceeded to eat it openly and messily with Sirius hungrily watching. It was nearly one thirty by the time Filch let Sirius go.

Asdfasdfasdfasdf

Later that afternoon, Minerva found herself alone in her rooms (**/living room?)** and pondering why she had been so hard on the boy. She had given him more detention at one time than she could ever remember giving a previous student. That was saying a lot coming from the extremely strict Professor McGonagall.

She was suddenly reminded of Dumbledore's smirk on the day of Sirius' Valentine's prank. Just what did that man know that she didn't know? She was certain that, whatever Dumbledore thought about her interactions with Sirius, he was entirely wrong. Yet she couldn't deny that her thoughts seemed to dwell on Sirius more so than they ever had on anyone since...

"No," said Minerva firmly to herself. "I'm not going to think of him." She sighed, and got out a stack of papers to grade. "Argh!" she exclaimed as her eyes fell on the first paper. She had randomly grabbed the seventh year NEWT class' papers, and, as luck would have it, Sirius' was on top. "Calm down," she told herself. "You will grade his paper, and you will do so calmly, and _totally ignoring the fact that you were just thinking about him in an inappropriate manner_."

She pulled out a quill and some red ink (it was her favourite colour, and besides, corrections always looked harsher in red), and began to mark his paper. Sirius' paper was soon covered in red marks, both commenting on the innaccuracy of the information given, and lamenting his atrocious spelling. She was one of the few teachers who graded students down for grammar and spelling. After all, in her opinion, if a person didn't have anything grammatically correct to say, then they shouldn't say anything at all. True; there were spellchecking charms, but those often did more harm than good.

She reached the end of the essay, then noticed a small note farther down the parchment. It read:

P.S. Dearest Minerva, please be advised to prepare for a visit from yours truly. I was quite taken with your tastefully decorated rooms, and with the way your presence graced them with a certain regal air. I would recommend that you stay on your guard when in said rooms, as you never know when a roguishly handsome, irresistibly charming gentleman with deliciously devious intentions might drop by to sweep you off your feet.

She shook her head at his overly verbose paragraph. It just went to show that a little help from Lily went a long way when it came to writing. However, she was smiling at the same time. "Why am I smiling?" she wondered aloud.


	3. Chapter 3

**I Can't Get Enough of You, Baby**

**I'm Young and Healthy**

REMUS TRANSFORMATION?

[detention scenes – S misses R transformation b/c of (Mon nights; is kept late]

Later that evening, [which evening?] Minerva entered through the already-open doorway to her rooms, and quickly paused. Her footsteps had been muted by a throw rug, so the familiar figure in her chair didn't notice her entrance. The figure could only be one person. Who else but Sirius had proven himself able to get in? And there was Sirius' note…she leaned against the doorjamb and watched him with a wry smile. He was drinking her tea again, she noted. On a whim, she closed the door behind her softly and transformed into her Animagus form.

"Mrow!" she mewed. She had some control over her cat brain, but it was limited. Right now, the cat brain was pointing out that it would like to be petted [no, not the brain itself, silly].

Sirius turned around, startled by the cat's mewing. When he saw what had made the sound, he smiled. "Hello, Minerva." The cat approached him and rubbed against his leg. "Oh, you want to be petted, do you?" Still smiling, he reached down and stroked the tabby.

This was probably the closest he would ever come to doing what he so desperately wanted to do with the woman, Sirius thought sadly. Minerva leapt up onto his lap, purring madly. She was just as attractive as a cat as she was as a human, though in different ways, of course, he thought as he petted her soft fur. She was curled up on his lap, but suddenly she appeared to have had enough, and jumped down. "Aw, Minerva..." he said in a disappointed tone.

Her cat ears heard him as she was about to transform. She proceeded to do so. He stared, transfixed by her eyes as he watched them change from yellow cat eyes with vertical slits for pupils, to warm hazel human eyes behind glasses. Shortly thereafter, Minerva McGonagall was standing before him in her customarily unfashionable robes.

"Good evening, Sirius."

Sirius stood up, bringing their faces to be mere inches apart. "Evening, Minerva." Somehow, after he had caressed her cat body, things seemed more intimate between them. Their breathing was quickening due to the proximity, and a couple of seconds passed, but it felt like an eternity.

Finally Minerva broke the tension. **Mentions note? **"So I see you're making a habit of visiting me."

"I can't get enough of you, baby," Sirius said wryly, quoting a Muggle song Lily had introduced him to.

"Pardon?" asked Minerva.

"Never mind. Suffice it to say that I find your company scintillating."

She raised an eyebrow. "Big words, Black." She was trying desperately to think of anything but his lean young body standing near enough to her that she could feel the heat radiating off of him.

"I'm not as dumb as I pretend to be," he replied with a smirk.

"Then perhaps I'm not as smart as I pretend to be," she whispered, placing a hand on his cheek and leaning in to kiss him.

The kiss was over before it had barely begun, but Sirius felt the brush of her lips against his like fire. "You're right," he said huskily, "That wasn't very smart. He was reaching for the back of her neck to pull her into a deeper kiss, when there was a knock at the door. Because you can never have too many clichés. They pulled away from one another.

Minerva gnashed her teeth. "Who is it?" she growled.

"It's Horace, but if this is a bad time..."

"It is," replied Minerva tersely. She knew of Slughorn's unrequited feelings for her, and she also knew that she would have to explain her terse response later. **REMEMBER THAT FORESHADOWING FOR LATER.**

This was hardly the response Slughorn expected. "Er, um, fine then. Very good. I'll just show myself out," he blustered, trying to save face.

Minerva heard retreating footsteps. "I think he's gone," she said.

"Minerva, I…" said Sirius, taking her hands as he stepped away from her, eyes downcast.

"I know."

"You do?"

"Why should I have thought that a handsome boy like you would want a decrepit old woman like me?" Minerva said, angsting in a very typical fashion.

"That's not at all what I was going to say!" protested Sirius.

"What, then?" said Minerva in a suddenly tired voice.

"I…I don't know what's starting between us, but it could be very dangerous. Especially for you. You wouldn't want to lose your job over a silly little boy like me, would you?"

"You _are_ a silly little boy if you think that I don't know how to be discreet," she said with a sly smile.

"From experience?" Sirius asked. He attempted to raise one eyebrow, but it came out looking as though he had something in his eye.

Minerva chuckled at his facial expression. "Maybe," she replied enigmatically.

"Still, I think it would be best if we left it as it is for tonight."

"You're probably right. Dare I ask if you would join me in a cup of tea?"

"Thanks, but I already had some. And it would be better if I returned to my dormitory now."

"Good night, then."

"Good night." Sirius left and returned to the Gryffindor common room.

Asdfasdfasdfasdf

"Where've you been?" James asked for the second time that week (?) when Sirius entered through the portrait hole. Parchment and ink bottles were scattered all over the table in front of James and Sirius.

"Kitchen," lied Sirius. Thanks to the Marauder's Map, the boys knew otherwise, but they exchanged a glance indicating that they were going to play along for now. **Where's Lily? Sirius needs to thank her for help w/ note in previous chapter…**

"And you didn't take us?" asked Peter.

"Yeah, sorry guys. I felt like being alone."

"Sirius, did you do your Charms homework yet?" James asked.

"No. Is that what you're working on?"

"Yeah, but I thought we'd better do our work for Slughorn. We were waiting for you so we could all do it together. Except for Remus. He's already done," Peter said with a glance to the corner where Remus was sitting. The boys began to take out their work for Slughorn.

"What love potion smells like whatever you are attracted to?" Sirius read aloud from his review sheet for the written part of Slughorn's test the next morning. "James, do you know?"

From the corner, Remus muttered, "The answer is two-and-a-half." In addition to his Charms homework, he had also already finished Slughorn's work, and currently had his nose in a library book entitled _Advanced Arithmancy for Anyone but Dummies_.

"Thanks!" said Sirius and James nearly simultaneously.

"Wait a minute…" began James suspiciously. Remus was no longer paying any attention.

"What?" asked Sirius, who had already scribbled down "2 ½" on his paper.

"Two-and-a-half' isn't a potion!" James deduced.

"Damn…" muttered Sirius, siphoning the ink from the wrong answer off of his paper with his wand. "Moony, can we borrow your brain?"

"Only if you promise to return it," replied Remus calmly.

"Cool!" said James. He and Sirius exchanged a high five.

"I was kidding," pointed out Remus.

"Damn…" said Sirius again.

"Why don't you go ask your girlfriend?" Peter asked Sirius. Peter had taken a chair and started listening without anyone noticing.

"Which one? Mary, the one I snogged in the broom closet** [one wd? - see broom closet in intro also] **yesterday, or Sue, the one who slapped me – twice – the day before?"

"McGonagall," said Peter as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

If Sirius had been drinking a beverage, he would have spewed it from his mouth all over Peter. Fortunately for Peter, Sirius was not drinking a beverage, and all that happened was that Sirius sputtered something unintelligible which sounded like, "Erraplck!"

"See? Told you," said Peter, indicating Sirius' reaction to James and Remus.

"Well toast my knickers and paint me purple," said James in astonishment.

"James?" said Remus.

"Yeah?"

"It's really not a good idea to make up those things you're supposed to say when you're surprised."

"It isn't? Well flip my pancake and buy me a canary."

"Stop. It. Now," demanded Remus.

"Well trim my rosebush and put me on a train to California if Remus didn't just tell me to stop it."

"Lily let him watch some American 'flims,'" Sirius explained.

"First of all, it's 'films,' and second of all, how did she get a telly **(?) **to work in Hogwarts?" asked Remus.

"Oh, that wasn't here," said Peter. "That was while we were at her house over winter holiday, and Sirius and me and you were having a snowball fight," he continued off-handedly. "Remember? We wanted to give James and Lily some alone time?"

"And they watched a movie with their 'alone time?'" Sirius said quizzically.

"Lily said she wasn't ready for more than snuggling yet," Peter replied to Sirius for Remus.

James gaped. "How do you know that?"

"Er, she told me?" said Peter, a bit frightened of what was going through James' mind.

"She told you. About what goes on in our private life."

"Well, she says I'm nice to talk to…" Peter was looking very nervous now.

"Yeah, and I'm sure that's all you do. Talk," said James in overdone sarcasm.

"Yes…" Peter said slowly.

"Duel!" James proclaimed, raising from his seat and pointing his wand at Peter. "Winner gets Lily!"

"Are you mad?" Peter asked, finally standing up for himself. "I'm not dueling you! I don't want Lily anyway! We never did anything!"

"James, it's okay," said Remus in a soothing voice. "Count to ten before you get mad."

"_Before_ I get mad?" asked James, nostrils flaring. "I think it's too late for that!"

"Er..." Peter did some of the quickest thinking in his life. "Lily painted my toenails pink!"

James' wand hand dropped to his side as a quizzical expression came over his face. "Can I see?" he asked finally. Remus took the opportunity to snatch the wand from James' hand.

"It wore off," Peter said. No one who was listening was clear on whether the toenail-painting had ever actually happened. Remus and Sirius sincerely hoped Peter had merely made it up to distract James and convince him that his relationship with Lily was only platonic.

"But returning to the topic of the not-so-clandestine romance between our dear Padfoot and his Transfigurations teacher…" began Remus, also trying to distract James.

"There's no such thing between us!" protested Sirius.

"Marauder's Map says otherwise," Remus informed him. "A dot labeled 'Sirius' was standing very near a dot labeled 'McGonagall.' At least I _hope_ they were standing," Remus finished rather sharply.

"Plus, Lily says so," said James, as though that decided everything.

"So she's spreading it around the school that there's something between us without having any evidence?" Sirius asked angrily.

"She has evidence. At least, as much evidence as a girl needs. She sees how you two act around each other in class," Peter explained with a shrug.

"Where is Lily, anyway?" asked Sirius, trying desperately to change the topic.

"Prefects' meeting," replied James.

"James?" said Sirius.

"Yeah?"

"You're Head Boy."

"So wha—oh, shit." James took off at a sprint, barely pausing to fling the portrait hole open.

"You're not getting off that easily," Remus told Sirius. "Tell us about McGonagall. Or should I say, 'Minerva.'"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "We kissed, alright?"

Peter squealed in excitement, sounding like a girl. "Was she good?"

Remus gave Peter an odd look, then turned back to Sirius. "Did you do anything else?" he asked suspiciously.

"One question at a time!" protested Sirius. "Peter; I'm not saying. Remus; no."

"Okay…" replied Remus, reluctant to accept Sirius' answer as truth when Sirius had lied to him previously. "What do you see in her, anyway?"

"She's not unattractive," Peter said contemplatively.

"See? Peter knows," Sirius said.

"Peter," said Remus, "is merely defending you because he hero-worships you and James."

"I do not!"

"Quiet, Peter," said Sirius as though talking to a child.

"Okay."

Remus threw Sirius the smug, triumphant look he always got when he was right. "Fine, Sirius. I guess you're not answering my question. But I warn you; be careful. You're playing with fire here."

"Or rather," Peter said, "playing _around_ with _a professor._" He was the only one who laughed at the feeble joke.

"Ooooo, spooky, spooky," said Sirius mockingly, ignoring Peter and waggling his fingers in front of Remus.

"I think I'll just go over here and read now," Remus said, glaring. "I'm not sure I want to spend anymore time with you, Sirius."

"Harsh, Remus," Sirius said sarcastically. "Real harsh. I'll just be going to the dorm to get off on fantasizing about the love of my life, if that's okay with you."

"Fine!" said Remus.

"Fine!" said Sirius.

"Fine!" said Peter, who was feeling a bit left out. Predictably, no one paid attention. With a final glare, Remus and Sirius got up and left the area. Peter was now sitting alone in one of the best chairs in the room. Usually only seventh years got the best chairs, but Peter saw a small group of first years coveting the chairs recently vacated by his two arguing friends.

"Here," said Peter, getting up and offering his seat.

"Thanks!" said one of the first years with a broad grin. The eleven-year-old and his friends were soon engulfed by the massive chairs. Peter went to a corner to play Exploding Snap by himself. **[Now everyone together: "Aw, poor Peter…"]**

Asdfasdfasdfasdf

Sirius flung himself onto his bed and yanked the curtains around it shut. Despite his angry words to Remus, he was far from in the mood to fantasize or masturbate.

"I'm losing one of my best friends," he muttered aloud. He wondered silently if it would come down to Remus or Minerva. "Minerva," he heard himself choosing aloud before he'd even realised it.

Stuff...


	4. Chapter 4

**I Don't Know How to Love Him**

**Past the Point of No Return (is that the title?)**

"Sirius!" called James from up the hallway, seeing the lanky boy and running to catch up with him. James had a very loud voice, and he was sure his friend had heard him, but Sirius just kept walking. "Git! I need to talk to you!"

"WHAT?" roared Sirius, suddenly wheeling around and causing a third-year to crash into him. Sirius barely noticed.

"Sirius," James said as he approached, "I heard about you and…your girlfriend." He was obviously reluctant to say in public that Sirius and Minerva were together.

"And?" snarled Sirius.

"I just want to tell you that...I'm okay with it."

"Then why don't you just go convince Remus that it's okay?"

"Sirius..."

"Yeah?"

"He's jealous."

"Of me?" Sirius asked, confused.

"Of her," James said quietly.

"Remus likes me?" Sirius asked, the light finally dawning.

"Yes."

"Wow." Sirius let out a puff of air.

"Just don't tell him I told you."

"Er, okay...do you think I should talk to him about it at all?"

James considered this briefly. "I wouldn't," he replied. The hallways were clearing out. "Gotta go to class. See you."

"Bye," said Sirius with a casual wave as he headed in the opposite direction.

Asdfasdfasdfasdf

(anything here?)

It was after seven at night. Minerva would already be in her rooms, Sirius thought. After that kiss, there was no way he could stand to keep away from her. Besides, it wasn't like the Marauders and Lily were doing interesting.

"Guys, if you could be a kind of soap, what would you be?" asked Peter.

Sirius groaned. "That's the worst question yet. What's _that_ supposed to reveal about our personalities?"

"I'd be pumpkin-pie flavored soap," replied James decisively.

"James, soaps have _scents_, not flavors," Lily pointed out.

"So?"

"So…oh never mind."

"As much as I'd like to hang around talking about soap," Sirius said, "I think I'd rather go out and have some time to myself.

"You mean 'time with Minerva,'" said Remus waspishly from off to the side, where he sat scowling at the fire with his arms firmly crossed over his chest.

Sirius paused in the middle of getting out of his chair. Realizing that it was an uncomfortable position, he finished righting himself. "I thought you weren't talking to me?" he said, looking askance at Remus.

"I never said that."

"Yes, but your posture indicated it," Lily interjected.

"Lily, I'm growing a little bit sick of your 'women's intuition' act," Remus said bluntly.

"Remus..." Lily said warningly.

"Sirius," Remus said in an accusatory manner, as though Lily didn't exist. "You never answered my question. _Are _ you going out to see Minerva?"

Sirius decided to tell the truth; "Well, yes."

"If you must," said Lily with a slow nod and an understanding look.

"Don't encourage him, Lily," said Remus disapprovingly.

"I think it's cute," Peter put in.

"Whatever, guys. Discuss it on your own time. I'm leaving," announced Sirius, and he left, not even bothering to take the invisibility cloak.

asdfasdfasdfasdf

...stuff

"Mm, that's good," Sirius said as he bit into her chocolate. Because Remus doesn't always have to be the chocoholic.

Minerva smiled and gave a quick snort. How she would love to hear him say those words in another context.

"What?" asked Sirius in response to her snort.

"Multiple meanings..."

"Oh."

"Yes," Minerva said matter-of-factly.

"So."

"So," she echoed.

"Got any firewhiskey?" Sirius asked with a roguish grin.

"You're old enough to get it on your own now."

"Yeah, but I didn't happen to bring any with me."

"Unprepared as ever. But I find that Madame Rosmerta's Finest Mead goes much better with chocolate. Plus, it's the only liquor I have at the moment."

"Never tried it. Pour me a glassful."

"Nice try, but I think we'll start you off with slightly less than a glassful. They don't pay teachers enough that we can go around squandering expensive liquor." She went to her cabinet, got out glasses, and poured for the two of them.

"Nice stuff!" Sirius said, staring appreciatively at the snifter as he held it up to the light. [Isn't it weird how people do that sometimes?]

"Only the best for the first man I've kissed in four years." [yes, this is the part where I entirely make up a romantic history for her]

"_Four years?!!_ I can't last four weeks without snogging some random girl." As soon as he had said it, Sirius regretted it.

Minerva stiffened. "Does that make me just another horse in your stable of lays?" she asked coldly.

Sirius winced. "Can I retract that last comment?"

"Mr. Black," she said as she stood and became suddenly formal, "your personal life is no concern of mine, but I suppose I should have given a moment's thought to what kind of _boy_ you are before becoming involved with you."

Sirius began to get angry. What right did she have to judge him? He stood, so that he was on even footing with her, and spat, "Maybe you should have. You're the only woman I've ever wanted. For years I've been trying to convince myself that maybe I could want a girl my age the way I want you. If you_ disapprove_ of that, I'm perfectly happy to leave you to your books. After all, I'm sure you care more about them than you could ever have cared about me."

Minerva was truly shocked by the force of his anger. "Sirius..." she said in a hurt tone as she took a step towards him.

"Don't come near me," he growled. She stopped advancing. "Goodbye, Minerva." On his way out, he slammed the door.

As soon as he was gone, she sank back into her chair. She began to cry bitterly. It was the first time she had cried in years, and she took it as a sign that she was beginning to care far too much for the boy.

**MORE???**


	5. Chapter 5

**Go Into Your Dance**

...they're in Transfig...

For what seemed like the umpteenth time, she nearly met his pale grey eyes, but looked away at the last moment. The tension was almost tangible. "…so each student is to share a mirror with their partner, as usual," she finished her lesson instructions, as though she had never paused.

The students dispersed, and set about (once again) practising human transfiguration. Minerva gave them a few minutes to get set up, then began her usual tour of the room, correcting students as she went. She hadn't yet decided how to deal with Sirius.

In the course of her circumnavigations of the room, she inevitably passed near the boy. Eventually, it got to be the third time, but he had yet to acknowledge her presence. Two could play this game, she thought. She was determined not to let it show just how much she longed for a wink or a pat on the shoulder.

She saw him rest a hand on the arm of a girl she knew to be Mary. He whispered something in the blonde girl's ear with a smile, and jealousy surged through Minerva. She knew that Sirius and Mary had been together not too long ago (they hadn't been exactly secretive about it), and she couldn't help but wonder if Sirius was playing her. Was he still together with Mary? She frowned moodily.

Of course, Sirius had always been a very "touchy" person, ever placing a friendly hand on someone's arm or shoulder. That was part of the reason Minerva had wondered, back before they were a couple, if his touch meant anything at all. It did, after all, seem to be part of his nature. She suddenly realised that she had been standing and just brooding for several moments now. She shook her head and resumed correcting students.

"Look at them," Lily Evans whispered to her gossipy friend, Marlene.

"I know," replied Marlene. "Something's up."

"Let's work on finding out what it is," Lily said with a mischievous smile. Marlene nodded in agreement, and the two girls returned to their class work for the time being.

Meanwhile, Minerva had been strategically avoiding the part of the room where Sirius was working, yet trying to make it look like a casual accident. She glanced up at the clock, and breathed a sigh of relief. "Class dismissed," she said. Technically, they still had two minutes to go. Minerva had _never_ let them out early, that any of the seventh years could remember. Those who had not heard the rumours about her involvement with Sirius Black were confused, but they were few and far between.

asdfasdfasdfasdf (stuff?)

"So, do you want to go to Hogsmeade together?" Mary asked Sirius as they strolled down the hall on their way to lunch.

Sirius hesitated. He had been mildly flirting with Mary all through Transfigurations, but it had been mostly in order to make Minerva jealous. "Erm, I…" he started, but Mary jumped in.

"Oh, I see how it is!" the hot-tempered girl said suddenly. "You were only using me to make her jealous all along, weren't you? Even back when we were going out, that was your real reason!"

"No, I – I mean, who are you talking about?" Sirius covered poorly.

"You know perfectly well who I'm talking about!" Mary yelled loud enough to draw the attention of everyone nearby. "You, Sirius Black, are in love with – well, I don't know her first name, but – McGonagall!"

The lookers-on gasped at such a blatant accusation. Fortunately for Sirius, James happened to be among the crowd. The messy-haired boy stepped forward. "It is true, ladies and gentlemen!" he said like a circus ringleader. "My friend, Sirius Black, has confessed to me his deep and tragic love for our Transfigurations teacher!"

Sirius, having snapped out of his initial shock, grabbed James by the arm and hissed in his ear; "You bloody idiot! What, precisely, do you think you're doing?"

"Saving your dignity!" James hissed back. "Trust me!" Before Sirius could protest, James returned to addressing the crowd. "You see, my dear fellow students, this boy loves a woman who could never love him back!" A mutter circulated through the crowd as to whether this was actually true. Sirius, starting to catch on, decided to let James go on.

"Yes indeed, folks, for how could a professor ever love a student?" There were murmurs of agreement. "My slightly insane friend" – Sirius glared – "has fallen for a woman far too old for him, one so strict and rule-abiding that she is entirely oblivious to even the idea that a student might fancy her! And now that you all know the truth about Sirius Black and – whatever her first name is – McGonagall, you may spread the word to all four corners of the globe! You may send the news far and wide, you may—" Sirius tugged on James' sleeve. James finally realised that he was babbling, and hungry students were drifting away. "Oh. Well, I guess that was good enough, then, eh?"

Sirius broke into a grin. "Bloody brilliant!" he said, drawing James into a (very manly) hug, and clapping him on the back. "How can I ever thank you?"

"By breaking up with her," James said quietly but intensely.

(scene where Lily cattily confronts S about problems w/ him & M)

(scenes where SBMM problems are resolved.)

...stuff (somehow, as per usual, they come to be standing very close together)

"So you said a while back that I was the first man to kiss you in three years," Sirius said conversationally. They were still (?) standing near one another, both reluctant to move away and thus break the air of taut yet serene (?) composure that seemed to have settled over the two of them.

"Yes."

"...do you care to elaborate?"

"If you're asking whether I've been lonely, the answer is yes and no. On the one hand, I would have liked to have someone to share my life with, but on the other hand, the only person who showed any interest in me was Professor Slughorn." She wrinkled her nose in distaste as she thought of the short, rotund Head of Slytherin who had an overly jovial manner and an obsession with wizards' importance. "I guess I just hadn't found the right person."

"And am I the right person?" Sirius asked in a playful tone, trying to keep things light.

"Perhaps, Black," she said with a slight incline of her head.

"I think it would be alright if you called me 'Sirius' now."

She gave him an odd look. "I'm trying to maintain some semblance of distance between us."

"Is that even possible at this point?"

"A better question would be; 'Do we even want to do that?'"

"Do we?" he repeated softly.

"We're not very distant right now," she replied, indicating their physical proximity with a sweep of the hand.

"And now even less so," he said as he closed his eyes and leaned in to kiss her.

She, too, leaned in ever so slightly. Their closed lips touched gently, and they both felt a surge of emotional electricity run through them.

"Sirius..." she moaned against his mouth. Her hand snaked behind his neck, and she pulled him toward her. This time, she approached him with an open mouth. She felt his lips part in response.

Sirius was breathing heavily, though they had only kissed so far. When he had felt the touch of her open lips, he felt his stomach plunge with a strange combination of excitement and anxiety. Greedily, he thrust his tongue into her mouth, tasting the distinct taste of peppermint humbugs. She responded immediately, intertwining her tongue with his. Neither of them knew how long they stayed like that, with their tongues seeming to dance an intricate pattern of passion [WAY too purple], pausing only occasionally for breath.

But then, Sirius broke away from her and smiled playfully. "Let's have sex," he suggested in a tone of levity (?). [relat to "are you sure?" scene?????? that scene earlier, +interruption or refusal on S's part to take her? Latter leads to another conflict?]

Minerva matched his grin. "Okay."

Still standing close to her, Sirius delicately grasped the temple pieces of her glasses and lifted the spectacles off her face. As he set them gently on the nearest flat surface, he found himself admiring just how beautiful her eyes were when not hidden behind a barrier of cold, anonymous glass. Next, he wordlessly reached behind her head to let her hair loose. But, he soon found that her tight bun was immune to his clumsy male fingers. "Stupid..." he grumbled lightheartedly.

"Here. Let me do it," she said with a smile. Her knowledgeable fingers made short work of the bun. As she placed bobby pins one by one on the end table, her long hair slowly cascaded down her back.

"Wow," muttered Sirius.

"Admiring my grey hairs?" she teased.

"Yeah," he replied truthfully. She laughed. "No really," he continued, "the contrast between the -- er, -- _silver _streaks and the raven hair is quite striking.

"Interesting adjectives," she noted. "You know, a good half of these grey hairs are probably your fault.

"Probably," he acknowledged with a wry smile.

...stuff

As she unclasped her robes all the way down the front, Sirius literally ogled her. He had always had a thing for legs, and he found himself wondering how the older woman kept hers so well toned.

Seeing his stare, Minerva smirked. "It's no glamour charm. I took ballet as a little girl, and I never really quit. I find it's a good way to keep in shape without resorting to magic. With a little furniture moving, this room converts into a practice area quite nicely. Of course, I'm a lot stiffer now, but – am I boring you?"

"Not at all," Sirius said, entirely entranced by her lean body. Other guys might have preferred a woman with more curves and less angles, but Sirius had already been there and done that. "Though I think you may have slightly derailed our fooling around. Could you – er – dance for me?"

Minerva burst into laughter. "It's not exactly erotic, dear."

"You'd be surprised."

"You really want me to? Should I put something more reasonable on?" she asked, indicating her undergarments.

"I think not," said Sirius, sitting down and preparing for her performance.

"You know, I _will_ need that chair out of the way. My grand jetés are no longer high enough to jump over it."

"Your what?"

"Never mind. Out of chair." Minerva had a way of clipping her commands to fragments when she was in a bossy mood.

Sirius acquiesced. With a few flicks of Minerva's wand, the furniture and throw rugs were tucked away into a corner. She opened draperies along one wall, revealing mirrors and a barre. He had never really taken a close look at the room, he decided mentally. "I haven't performed for anyone since I fully entered the magical world, which was...well, more years ago than I'd care to say," she said as she went to grab her ballet slippers.

"Didn't that guy you kissed three years ago ever want to see you dance?"

"I'd rather not talk about him," she said as she hastily threw her hair into an uncharacteristically messy bun, using the bobby pins from the table.

"Oh. So you're not going to dance on tiptoe?" he asked, looking askance at the shoes she had donned.

"Nope. There's an unspoken rule in ballet: over thirty or overweight, no pointe shoes. And whereas I may not be overweight, I am most definitely over thirty. Now do you want to watch me dance or not?"

"I'm shutting up now," Sirius said. Minerva flicked her wand again, activating a magical phonograph (sp?) in the corner of the room. She set her wand down on one of the chairs, and went to the center of the room as a dreamy waltz began to play.

Standing off to the side, Sirius watched in astonishment as she seemingly effortlessly made movements that would have been hard for anyone, let alone a woman her age. He watched her make more types of turns than he ever would have thought existed. He saw her make leaps that were, though maybe not high enough to jump over the chair he had been sitting in, certainly impressive. He was even too busy admiring her grace to pay attention to the body he had newly discovered. But suddenly she faltered slightly, and stopped dancing.

"Oops. I messed that part up." She laughed nervously. "See? I told you it had been awhile." She took her place to start from the next logical point in the music, but Sirius stopped her.

"I think that's enough," he said. "I'm thoroughly impressed."

"Really?" she asked genuinely. She had yet to turn off the music (?).

"Yeppers. And now I know why you always have such good posture. Here I thought it was just your uptight nature," he teased playfully. Minerva grabbed a cushion/pillow (what do you call those things?) from the nearest chair and tossed it at him with a smile. Sirius caught it with ease. "Now, now, love; fight nice."

"NiceLY," she corrected. They paused and looked at each other for a second. "I'm not sure what compelled me to say that," Minerva said, giggling.

Sirius was giggling too as he casually closed the distance between them. "Me either."

"Me NEITHER." (?) She was on a roll.

"Tell me who to speak to about my grammar," he said, throwing out a random sentence.

She caught on immediately. "Tell me to whom I should speak about my grammar."

"Are you aware that you're still in your knickers (-? inc's bra?)?"

"Wait – hey, there's nothing wrong with that sentence!"

"I know. It was a question, albeit a rhetorical one."

"Oh. Well, actually, I'd quite forgotten. It's plenty warm in here, and I do believe I perspired a bit while dancing."

"I'm not complaining about the outfit." He took a couple more steps towards her and took her hands. "Shall we continue where we left off before I entirely distracted the both of us?" Suddenly they were both poignantly aware that the music was still playing sweetly.

"Mmm, that sounds good..." she whispered in his ear as she leaned in. She nibbled gently on his earlobe.

"Ooooo..." he said. She traced a line of kisses down his neck. When she reached the collar of his robes, she began to undo the clasps.

"You're sure we're not going too fast?" Sirius asked, stopping her with a light touch on her wrist.

"Sirius, I am more certain of this than I have been of anything else in my life. And considering my age, that's saying something."

....GOOD Q: WHERE DID SHE PRACTICE AS A STUDENT AT HW? PERHAPS SHE TOOK A HIATUS, & RTNed TO IT AS AN ADULT WHEN SHE DISCOVERED SHE WAS GAINING WEIGHT? (also: remem that music will eventually stop playing/be turned off.)

ENTER...THE SCENE FRAGMENTS!

"Sirius, have you seen any of my (blank--socks?)" James asked from across the dormitory.

"I might have..." Sirius confessed a little nervously.

"Can you look?" James said, a little bit annoyed.

Sirius hopped off his bed, where he had been sitting, and dove under his bed. There were two socks in plain view on top of the mound of junk. "I'm never going to hear the end of this," he thought briefly before resurfacing.

"Two," he announced glumly, holding them up.

"Two?!!"

"Yes."

"And they're from two different-coloured pairs! You messed up two pairs of socks!" James said, pretending to be angrier than he actually was. "Give me those!" He snatched the socks away from Sirius.......etc.

(follow-up scene):

"Hey Sirius," Peter greeted as S. walked up (from where?).

"Hey."

"I lost a..... Can I look under your bed?"

Another:

[mastur. scene-which person?; later (morn after) whoever it was sez something like "do u kno how many times I've to thought of u?"]

a portion of the former (goes before 1st kiss??):

[see spa (no; not "Spanish") papers – it's too dark in my room to read them right now, lol]

SCENE FRAGMENT: (TAKES PLACE IN TRANSFIG.)

He had no idea what she was saying. All he could pay attention to was her firm hand rubbing his upper back, back and forth more times than could be considered strictly platonic. She finished with a series of gentle pats, and moved on.

Another:

["Let's have sex"/grateful for shower scene-Gryf. tower showers broken (by Peeves)/has just played Quidditch]

Yet another:

...

"Do you have any idea how many times I've thought that I could never be more than a student to you?"

She smirked happily/contentedly, saying "Probably about as many times as I've thought that I could never be more than a teacher to you."

"Is this the part where I say something mushy and then we kiss?"

"So say something mushy."

He looked straight into her (slate grey?) eyes. "Minerva, I love you," he said solemnly. He hadn't even realized it was true until he heard the words coming out of his mouth. Because _that's _ not cliché.

...(tiny fragment)

He gave her a salute (in the UK??). "Yes ma'am," he said, grinning.

IDEA: Lily makes SGFOCPK joke (no one gets it; she has to explain)

IDEA: S or M has an "eyebrow fetish"; compliments o'er on eyebrows

IDEA: (UST; before 1st kiss) S keeps telling M to come closer; hears her breathing accelerate; finally, when she's really close, he fakes her out by either patting her on the head or tipping her chin (how to say the latter?)

(borrowed from a HGMM fic: M seductive voice S never thought he'd hear from his strict prof.-that's almost wd-4-wd; change to avoid plagiarism)

(S should some pt have a roguish grin, & another X say something cheekily.)

(time frame for all of this? weeks? months?)

(interesting thought: wizards' strong emotions lead to wandless magic when young. when older, in moments of passion, could clothes "vanish" in a similar fashion?)

(from a HGMM fic: M has an "authority card" she can play to change the topic/control the situation. Also, should I use the "extra lessons" cliché so that (later on in the story

the 2 can explain things away?) Remus could be nasty about how the lessons don't seem to be improving S's performance in Transfig. Lessons suggested by James/Peter/LILY (again, she's a wmn & savvy to this kind of stuff) when someone pts out how obvious S+M are being? (as a way to keep things secret))

(same fic as above: M has a "wall around her." contrast w/ S wearing his heart on his sleeve - accentuate/intensify w/ following):

SOMETHING ABOUT HOW S's FRIENDS KNOW, WHICH IS A RELEASE TO A CERTAIN EXTENT, BUT M CAN NEVER TELL ANYONE; BOTTLED UP

(same fic: phrase: "misplaced feelings" - S feelings 4 M)

(ditto: Dumbles can see thru her wall (& thru S's nonsense). also, for a ADMM fic (their ages=?), this ability to see thru her makes him able to look thru her pushing him away. also, D could be somewhat older than M; something about how it seemed like a big deal in their youth, but no longer is.)

(OMFG. just realized they're cat & dog. dog chases cat...)

Another:

"You never did tell me anything about your love life before me," Sirius said/pointed out.

"Quit being so nosy, boy," replied Minerva with a teasing smile.

"Are you ticklish?" asked Sirius out of the blue.

"No..." she replied, but her shifty eyes betrayed her.

A crafty smile came over Sirius' face. "Tell me or I'll tickle the living daylights out of you."

"Not fair."

"Well?" he said, wiggling "tickling fingers" in the air.

"Fine, fine! There really isn't that much to tell."

(something about how, w/ most recent romance, she was old enough that she didn't take it too seriously. S sez something about "do you take _this_ seriously, then?")

(they play 20 Q's???)

(all romantic scenes: integrate o'er senses; taste, smell (M lavender soap? bathtub scene? is she aware lavender=scent men like most? - OR S likes black licorice (Muggle candy Lily showed him?) & tastes of. it 1 night after a Hogsmeade trip - Hogsmeade "date"?), sound/quality of voices (M Scottish accent? alto? - S baritone?...) lol, someone should sing for no apparent reason) - height: M intimidatingly tall for a wmn; S not fully grown 17 - explain in body, or A/N beg ch.? -- but then why's he taller than her when they walk to Filch's...place?)

(epilogue: Remus & Sirius' falling out (things only sorta resolved) later leads S to tell James to make Peter Secret Keeper)

(for an A/N: beanie is sim to (but not exactly same as) a stocking cap)

(S skin color? (canon?) M's? one should be pale (Welsh coloring) & the other darker. Just read a fic where M has dark nips...like that idea (tho don't intend to make it pr0n))

(arack! M hasn't yet said anything coyly!:

blah blah blah...

"And just who is it that you want?" he asked mischievously.

"Who do you think?" she replied coyly.

...

lalala...(early morn)

Sirius tried his best to shut the portrait hole quietly. He thought he'd succeeded, until he saw movement from a corner of the room. Remus Lupin was sitting in the dark and staring/glaring at him malevolently.

"...yes?" Sirius said, feigning nonchalance.

"You slept with her. Didn't you."

"I'm certain I have no idea what you're talking about," Sirius replied coldly. Remus just snorted derisively. "Not that it's any of your business, of course. Good night," he finished tersely, and went up to his dorm. From his bed he heard Remus enter the room a few minutes later, but pretended to be asleep.

...

(Colleen quote about not dancing naked when older b/c when U stop moving everything else doesn't (meaning fat - rephrase?)


	6. Chapter 6

"Remus, we need to talk," Sirius said as he approached the other Marauders, who were chatting around fire in the common room.

"What's there to talk about?" snarled Remus, who had tensed up when Sirius approached.

"Look, I don't want to lose one of my best friends, but I don't want to lose her, either," said Sirius quietly.

"I guess that's a choice you'll just have to make then, isn't it?" said Remus in a voice heavy with sarcasm.

James butt in; "Remus, will you just go talk to him?" he cajoled.

"It would get Sirius off your back," put in Peter.

Remus' eyes darted back and forth between the two boys who had just spoken. "Fine," he said eventually. "Where do you want to talk, Sirius?"

"Our dorm. It should still be empty at this time of night."

Remus turned on his heel and stomped his way over to the staircase. He looked back at Sirius. "Well, come on then." Sirius obeyed. Once inside the dorm, they both started talking at once.

"I don't think—" said Remus.

"Why are you—" said Sirius. "Go ahead," he told Remus in a resigned tone.

"I don't think your relationship with her is healthy."

"And why not?" Sirius said, frowning and stepping toward Remus in a confrontational manner.

"She's using you," replied Remus. Sirius snorted derisively to this. "Think about it," continued Remus. "You're a young, handsome bloke, and she's…well…old, to be quite frank about it."

"Does that make me just some gigolo?" said Sirius in a dangerously low tone. Sirius was opening and closing his fists tensely, and they were mere inches apart. Remus was silent in response, and just when it seemed inevitable that the argument would come to blows, Remus did something which would forever change their relationship.

**[cliffy?]**

Remus grasped Sirius' face between his palms and kissed him full on the lips. Sirius was too shocked to resist. Remus backed off, but stayed with his hands on Sirius' cheeks until Sirius savagely pulled away.

"Freak," spat Sirius.

"Sirius…" Remus said pleadingly.

"Get away from me, you abomination of nature."

Remus was cut to the bone. "Sirius…" he said again, tears welling up in his eyes.

Sirius saw the tears, and felt badly that he'd hurt his friend so badly. He hadn't meant his homophobic words, but he had been angry enough at Remus that he was willing to do whatever would hurt the werewolf the most. Still, he didn't regret his words…yet.

"Fine," said Remus with a scowl through his tears. "If that's the way you feel about my choices, then bugger you." His voice was cracking from emotion.

"Fine. You apparently despise my choices, as well, so I think this friendship is officially over."

"Then leave."

"I think I will." With that, Sirius stormed down the staircase and back into the common room.

"How'd it go?" James asked as Sirius entered, cutting off one of Peter's dull stories.

"How do you _think_ it went?" Sirius said testily.

"Well, er…I'm guessing badly."

"That bloody bastard had the nerve to kiss me!"

"On the lips?" asked James, though he thought he already knew the answer.

"Where do you bloody well _think?_ On the _pe—_"

James cut him off. "Okay, okay," he said, spreading his fingers palms down and patting the air in a "calm down" gesture. "I don't think Remus would appreciate you yelling that for the whole common room to hear," he continued in a conspiratorial tone. Peter looked on wide-eyed.

"I don't care _what_ people think about that fruitcake!" Sirius said, still yelling. "Remus likes men! Remus likes men!" he yelled, even louder this time. It was clear that everyone in the room had indeed heard, as there was much whispering and giggling going on. "There. Now that pansy will have to cope with the whole school knowing his bloody 'secret.'"

James was staring at Sirius as though he no longer recognized his friend. "Remus will never forgive you for that."

"Like I give a damn."

_"I _will never forgive you for that," James revised. "Why is it that you can accept that Remus is a-- that Remus is unusual in other ways," James corrected, noticing that almost everyone in the common room was staring, "but you can't accept this?"

"Maybe because he apparently can't accept _my _ choice in romantic partners, so why should I accept his choice? He has no control over his...changes, but he _does _have control over whom he likes!"

"Sirius, that's ridiculous!" replied James.

"Yeah!" Peter chimed in, finally deciding to take an active role in the conversation.

"No it--"

"Don't you even remember that discussion--" James interrupted.

"I'm not finished!" bellowed Sirius.

"Too bad!" James yelled. "You will listen to--"

"No, I won't! Goodbye, Marauders." Sirius turned on his heel and stormed up to the dorm.

Once inside, Sirius flung himself on his bed and drew the curtains shut. Still seething, he attempted to slow his breathing. He _did_ remember the discussion James had mentioned. They had been lazing around the dorm one Saturday, playing twenty questions. **(check if this is before or after soap scene/ if soap scene explains 20 Q's) **Remus had asked, casually, but with a tremor in his voice, what they thought about men who liked other men.

Sirius remembered responding, truthfully, that he thought people should be able to make their own choice when it came down to it. Remus had said something about whether Sirius thought it was really a choice or not. Sirius recalled hearing a keen edge in Remus' voice, and at the time wondering what that was about. Now he knew. Remus liked him, romantically speaking. Sirius sighed, staring up at the gold-trimmed red canopy of his bed.

His response to Remus' second question had been that no one would deliberately choose such a difficult way of life. He still believed that. But by pushing Remus away; by pretending to be a bigoted arsehole, Sirius didn't have to acknowledge how hurt he was that Remus didn't approve of him and Minerva. James seemed to accept Sirius' love of the older woman. Peter hadn't yet expressed an opinion, **(dbl chk) **but Peter was always on another planet anyway.

Hell, even Lily, who Sirius thought of as a sort of peripheral Marauder, had been very kind about Sirius being involved with a teacher. Which, Sirius surmised with a wry chuckle, may or may not have had anything to do with the fact that Lily had had a crush on their Defense Against the Dark Arts professor in third year. She couldn't exactly call the kettle black. "So to speak," Sirius muttered aloud with a small smile at the pun on his last name. He heaved another sigh. All this musing had only made him more confused, but at least he was slightly calmer now.


	7. Chapter 7

slang = Brit slang 4 scold

M nose very str8/aristocratic - S facial features?

MM/Dumbles fic:

WIKTT; she's Marauders' chick; he's tchg (MWPP). New twist on the ship.

poss. title for the Legomance troll:

"Shadows in her Heart"

(or "in MY heart" if I change it to an I-fic)

LHC: "Tight bunned mean ladies club thread"

fragment: S asks M why she no want Slughorn (teasing). "He's kinda..."

"Egg-shaped?''

"Well, yes; rotund. And I'm not really into that."

"And just what are you into?" (raises eyebrows)

"You know..."

"Robbing the cradle?"

She was torn between a smile and a scowl. "That's not the phrase I would have chosen."

fragment:

"How are you this evening?" (S)

"Fine, thank you. And you?" (M)

"Ecstatically sublime (?), thank you for inquiring."

She smiled. "Has Lily started a word-of-the-day regime?"

S smiled back. "Regime: [dictionary definition]," he recited. "In other words; yes, yes she has."

fragment (detention-type scene):

"What are you; a member of the tight-bunned mean ladies' club?" Sirius whined.

"I hope that you are referring to my hair when you say that, and not...certain--" she cleared her throat "--other parts of the anatomy."

fraggie (stuff...):

"It's starting to rain," Minerva observed, looking out the (her?) window.

"Oh, cool!" Sirius said, jumping up from his seat to get a better view. "I love the rain, and it's been ages since it rained," he said with a grin. "Well, at least ages for this part of the world."

"The rain is alright. It makes staying inside feel cozy."

"Staying inside?" Sirius said, simultaneously conveying incredulity and mischeviousness.

"Oh no you don't. I know that look."

"What look?" Sirius said, trying to look innocent but failing miserably.

"The look that says you've got something up your sleeve. In this case, probably convincing me to go outside in this weather."

"You've got it," said Sirius cheerfully.

"No way."

"Aw, c'mon. It'll be fun."

"Even if I did want to go outside, I hardly think it would be appropriate for us to be seen out there frolicking together."

fic:

Remus/Lucius. Remus knows L is Death Eater or no? Sirius does, and this leads him to tell James to make Peter Secret Keeper -- variation on SBMM epilogue. Lucius likes that Remus is a werewolf? b/c kinky or b/c dark or both? Remus thus finds (romantic) acceptance in Lucius -- the kind he could never get from the Marauders. In this fic, the author's note/summary would say something like: "And not once in this entire fic will Lucius 'drawl silkily'."

random frag for something:

"I like your robes/shirt," Lily told Sirius.

"I can't tell you how much that means to me," he replied. Lily laughed. "No really," continued Sirius, "I can't. James would castrate me."

Lily gave him an odd look. "Are you trying to say that you have feelings for me?"

SBMM:

(why S ok w/ Remus being werewolf, but not ok w/ R being gay?)

for some (humor) fic:

(a "What happened to the random characters/Where are they now" section, a la Procrastinator)

random ideas:

Truffula tree Ent drabble

Rita Skeeter fic

Sorry was mean to R & P chappie A/N

SS: R "Scerte Sogn" S/J "Why U spkg Swedish?" R "(anagram explanation)"

Filch/Umbridge

SBMM (after Slughorn's visit to M):

Minerva was unfortunate enough to run into Slughorn in the hallways. She had managed to avoid him at breakfast easily enough, due to the fact that they sat at opposite ends of the table. She had left while he was still engrossed in his eggs, excusing herself by saying she needed extra time to prepare her first lesson.

Now, she had been heading toward the toilet between lessons, when she had spotted the stout man -- nowhere near the dungeons, she might add. She suspected he had sought her out. For a brief moment, she considered ducking back around the corner, but it was too late. Horace Slughorn had seen her.

"Oho, Minerva!" Slughorn said with a fake veneer of surprise. "Fancy meeting you here!"

"Good morning, Horace. Out for a stroll around the castle?" Minerva replied cooly.

"Erm," Slughorn hesitated. "Of course! You know how stifling those dungeons can get," he added with a gratuitous wink.

"Not really, no." Minerva's tone was as dry and chilly as a glass of good champagne.

"Well, I suppose you haven't really been down there much since you were a student. Remind me, how long ago was that for you?" he finished sharply.

Minerva wondered if his mention of her age meant that he knew something about last night. "That's none of your business," she replied equally sharply. They locked eyes for

S brks silence w/ laugh/oho

blah

Dumbles has a "talk" w/ M in his office? ("he trusts her, hopes she never breaks that trust, dark X's...") OR about her treatment of Slug; respecting colleagues


End file.
